Twenty-five years old, second degree coming in two months and what’s the first thing that comes out of someone’s mouth? “I bet you don’t have a man.” I do actually, and what’s funny is the fact that you think people have to choose. As if it’s not possible to excel with your education and have time for a relationship. “Y’all aren’t married though.” No, we aren’t married, but when the time is right we will be. I’m just living life how I choose, not how it’s expected. I haven’t sought out a man since I knew what the definition was. I always stumbled upon them. Whether it was at a sporting event or studying in the library. I’ve had my fair share of “getting to know eachother” phases but nothing ever stuck. It wasn’t my priority. A relationship just wasn’t my priority. I know girls are expected to grow up and aspire to be a wife and mother, but I want the whole enchilada. I always aspired to be the top notch scientist. My childhood best friend once told me, “Get that degree, make your money and chase your dreams. People wake up and decide they don’t love you anymore everyday. That direct deposit won’t ever change.” That was until I met a guy who elevated me more than I had ever experienced. It was always a constant race of who could out do who. Whose grades were better, whose GPA could be the highest. I was always a perfectionist, but this man made me want to be flawless (I was the better student by the way *hair flips*). No it wasn’t always easy, we didn’t always get a long, we broke up a few times but that’s because our end goal…our long term goal was stability. We didn’t think we needed eachother. We didn’t seek the instant gratification people look for by posting pictures or feeling it was necessary to be on the scene together all the time. We had an understanding that we could build our own empire and eventually if it was meant to be or empires would meet. I remember my teammate telling me “if I hadn’t met your boyfriend already, I would think he was make believe.” I can say there were times that I may have neglected my “girlfriend duties,” there were times when I chose to stay in and study instead of meeting him for drinks, but all that really mattered was the end goal. Stability. & yeah I know, money can’t buy happiness….I’ve heard it time and time before but let’s be real here. Would you rather be happy on a bike or crying in a Lamborghini? Not to mention, as far as African American divorce rates go, money is a HUGE reason why couples split; so why not be realistic? Don’t get me wrong, family is everything to me and one day Lord willing I’ll have my husband and I’ll have my kids…..but without long term stability….what is all of that exactly? I’m not saying how I’m doing it is correct, but I’ve watched people call their children a burden. Not because the actual child was a burden,but because they were unprepared financially. I’ve listened to the older women in undergrad tell me how going back to school was so hard and they wished they would’ve stayed the course because now they feel their child has to suffer. Having to make sacrifices that wouldn’t have been existent had she moved differently. I’ve watched too many people struggle and though you’ll always do what you have to do to stay afloat….I don’t want to just float. I want to be water skiing. I want to be able to provide for mine plus more. So if you feel like I’m sacrificing my time or my “maternal clock” is ticking away, that’s your opinion. I believe I’m doing just fine. I’m living life how I want to, unforced.
& I know he likes it, so he’ll surely put a ring on it.