So today amongst girlfriends, marriage and children came up in a discussion. When I was asked what was my ideal journey I mentioned to get into my career, get married and have children. Many of them looked upside my head and mentioned they were perfectly content with just getting in their career and starting a family. That the thought of marriage and being committed to an individual was a frightening thought.

This discussion brought me to the question of how is marriage scarier than having kids? If it’s a commitment thing, aren’t you technically committed to raising a child for the rest of your life? A little human that you have to groom, feed and raise to be a respectable being. Now by no means am I saying you have to have a husband/wife in order to have a family or to raise respectable children. I know single parents who are doing a phenomenal job and I know plenty of people who are living happily ever after without the “ball and chain,” but I’m a little lost on the difference. The thought of them both freak me out. lol Not in a “my world is ending” kind of way but a “Desiree you can’t eat cereal for every meal and no wine isn’t a serving of fruit” kind of way.

Once upon a time, conceiving out of wedlock was discussed in whispers and solved with quick marriage arrangements. “But according to a 2013 report cosponsored by the National marriage Project at the University of Virginia, 48 percent of all first births are now attributed to unmarried mothers, mostly women in their 20’s with some degree of college education.” Since 2013, that percentage has increased by 3 percent. These “traditions” and ideas of how to live have changed drastically due to the different cultural shifts that are tied to the economy, religious institutions and sexuality of individuals. Through a study at Pew Research it revealed that 80 percent of individuals still consider an unmarried couple living together with a child  a family. That a family is defined by how it functions and not it’s legal structure. The study also showed that many professional women seek a career, marriage and kids though they do not expect it to be in that order. 

So technically, even though people aren’t married you still have a commitment because you’re in a relationship and you have a child…..right? I would consider that  a family, heck I was the flower girl in my parents wedding so you see where I am going here.  Though I have heard the term “you’re single until you’re married,” lol so what is it really? And maybe it’s one of those things that it’s just not meant to be understood, or things didn’t go as planned and it all came as a surprise but this discussion lasted so long I am truly interested to know what others think.


Why do so many couples with children avoid marriage? Is it just a silly piece of paper that doesn’t define individuals love for each other? Or is it this scary boogie monster that takes you in, locks you up and throws away the key?