Submission. I truly wanted to stay away from this subject, but the constant trend of demonizing black women in the process wouldn’t allow me to do so. I was raised by a single mother, but I don’t call that a broken home. Nothing about my life was broken. I did cheer, dance, gymnastics, sports and any other extracurricular activity you can think of. My childhood wasn’t compromised and I wasn’t taught the “I don’t need a man,” mentality. I was raised to value myself, have morality and self respect. Education always came first and if you did what you were supposed to, you were rarely ever told no. Yes, I was given the talk about love and relationships, but I also was told that I didn’t need to depend on a man to live the life that I wanted. BUT when you know you’ve found a man worth experiencing life with, you have no issue being submissive and allowing him to lead the way. 


I constantly see the discussion on how black women are not submissive, how we are constantly eliminated as dating choices  because of our lack of submission. What bothers me the most about this is, how do you expect someone to follow your lead when you yourself do not know where you are going? How am I wrong for not wanting to be submissive when there’s no commitment? How am I supposed to submit to you, when all you do is take from me? How am I supposed to submit to you when your ways are far from trustworthy? How am I supposed to submit to you when you haven’t even submitted to the Lord? Do you see where the issue lies? So many times I see men speak about how “black women expect too much” or “black women need to get off their high horse,” because you know….having standards is just so bad right? & no this has nothing to do with my relationship and I’m not speaking on all men, but this mess is getting ridiculous. It’s truly cringeworthy. Some of you want a woman to be on her A-game, all the while you’re dropping her off at work so you can borrow her car and go play COD with your friends. But I guess since women out number men and we are so desperate for love that we are expected to accept anything, right? Wrong. & for goodness sake, please stop threatening us with the “that’s why I’m going to go date a white woman, because they listen.” It’s old and played out Ice-T Jr. We don’t care. Your parading around with her does not matter.  If that’s what tickles your pickle, do your thing pimp; but don’t blame this on a broken home. Leave black women out of it. My mother worked too hard to instill in me the much needed values that I have now and I’m sure there are many other women who did the same for their daughters. It’s the right thing to do. Women are strong. We work hard, we play hard and we win big. We don’t take any sh*t and if we are going to submit to a man, it’ll be a MAN. Not these ignorant little boys looking for someone to stroke their ego. I mean, let’s be real here….y’all thought I was going to go to school for all these years, come into this money and submit to a “let me hold $20” dude? You’re kidding right?  The issue has never been submission for black women. Ever. This issue is that some of you want a ride or die and don’t know where you’re riding or why the hell we have to die for that matter. No, I’m not saying you have to be self made, but to have no dreams, goals or aspirations is gonna be a no for me dawg. *Randy voice* No one deserves to sit at a table and submit to someone who literally just sits at the table with nothing to bring. We are all grown and if you’re looking for a gold star sticker every time you do something you’re supposed to, maybe relationships in general just aren’t for you. I reiterate again, this isn’t for all men. This is for the ones who constantly feel the need to bash black women because we don’t want to accept their mediocrity. & for those of you who come from black women and are constantly bashing them, next time you have something crazy to say about us….write it down and then give it to your mother. 


Sincerely, 

A Melanin Queen